Is It Me Or Is It Me?

CHAPTER 1 – A GLIMPSE OF HEAVEN

"Saksham!! What the hell are you doing with that football? Get inside and finish your homework before it’s too late!"

My mom called on me, I knew that it was late especially when you come home at 8 PM on a chilly day of December. Isn't it obvious? Children have to study, who the fuck cares about the importance of learning a ball game? At least in this country, no one does. Well, its not just football. There is something else most of the people of India don't care about. He's called SAKSHAM NAGPAL.

Beginnings

I was born in a nuclear family. The thing that went wrong was - I was born under the wrong star. I was born a Leo. Now, call me superstitious, but I really believe in Astrology....just Linda Goodman, though. Not any other Glory Hunter from India. I was born a Leo and I was the most un-leoish kid you'll ever face. I was a skimp in unknown company. I resented parties and avoided them like plague. I never wished to be the centre of attraction and never wanted to be noticed. I had a world of my own. From the time I remember myself, I was fat; and not a little bit, much too fat. I don’t know why. I played cricket (but then, in India, who doesn't?) almost all the time and I also didn't have bad eating habits. So, there was my life. I really do not remember how I passed time back then, so I'll skip all that and continue the story when I really had a whiff of whom I was.

Day 1 - Class VI (Sixth)

Did I mention I was above average in my school? I guess not. Well, I wasn't dumb. So I passed class 5 with good grades (now, I didn't top the class or anything...with guys like Rishik Bazaz and Samarth Dhingra out there at that time, it wasn't a piece of cake). I got around 87% and my mum and dad were much too happy; perhaps because of the fact that I was just a percent less than Sahil Goyal. Sahil has been my friend since we were standing in the admission queue in Apeejay Pitampura. I didn't know this, and Sahil, he's a lazy bum, so he won't remember this as well. I was told this by my mum and Sahil's mum. So, well, we had been in the same class from Nursery to that day.

Now, every person in the class knew that we had to bring in pens instead of pencils, like we did in class 5. The only person without a pen in the class was....you guessed it right....me. That adds another feather in the clumsy cap of mine. Anyways, I borrowed a pen and stared around the class.

The class was shuffled and I was seeing new faces. The already familiar ones were of Sahil, Viren, and Sameedh. They were the only gentle ones who talked with me, so I kinda liked their company.

We had a quite first half at school, and we were more than just happy to get out of class in lunch.

Now, this first day of my class six, I remember it as yesterday. Because I saw someone.....and that someone proved to be of utmost importance to me in my life.

I didn't know it back then, but I didn't know lots of other things as well. I saw a girl... (Now, I used to look at girls, but this one seemed ..... well, I still don't have any words to describe her, I can get away by saying that I was attracted to her). I think I have mentioned my being alone...right? But this time, Sameedh was with me. I told him, "Let's go wash our hands". He was looking at me with an 'O' look on his face. I had never EVER asked him to wash hands before lunch....why should I? There was no dirty work happening in the class. But I wanted to have a closer look at this girl. We went right in front of her class, Six B. I think she looked at me, or was I just dreaming as usual, I had no clue. Sameedh was humming a tune and didn't notice me with a gaping wide mouth. I brushed aside my thoughts and hurried along with him. The rest of the day was miserable. I was totally lost and couldn't understand one single thing that was being taught to me.

This was the beginning of things, which went out of my control, and possibly, cost me a seat in IIT.

Class X (Tenth)

When I think of my class ten, I can think of nothing but the trip to Fun n Food Village.

I'll update you about my status before I get into that 12 hour long outing. Okay, so people knew about my 'crush'. I really didn't think of it as my crush. Because I knew I wasn’t going to propose her. I just felt a little unusual in front of her. It felt, like I was someone.... Anyways, I had grown up well enough to recognize that Social Studies was the WORST subject created by humankind to harass the students, whereas Math, was one of the only plus points of being in school. My friend circle had evolved.

Sahil had moved on to a better class....I call it better because he was in HER class. Sameedh, Viren, Amit and Bailey (Sid Kumar) had become my all-time best pals. We were ... sort of average in studies, Bailey topping the group and Amit and me following closely behind. So we gelled together in no time. Viren was a dreamer....just like me. The only difference was that I didn't show it as much as he did. He had a passion for America, and wanted to be in there. Not for the blonde babes, but for the lifestyle (weird, eh? that's Viren for you). Sameedh is a different kinda guy; very reserved and soft-spoken. He didn't hurt a fly. One incident that I do remember was that I accidentally pricked his HEAD with a compass. That had to hurt. But he just laid his head down and was okay in a minute or two. His family was all involved in flying and he wanted to be a pilot too. Bailey is a fun loving guy. When you talk about Leos....he's the one to give an example of. He's an extrovert...and that's the least to say.

Okay, so this was supposed to be a board class...and we were supposed to study very hard.

And we did. First term saw me getting close to 87% and I was satisfied. I thought that this would do the trick and get me non-medical. I wanted non-medical because I loved computers and hated cramming. The first pre-boards were approaching and we weren't the least bit tensed. We had given gazillions of papers that year and felt pretty comfortable with exams back then. It was around in October when the big news was announced. We were going on an outing to Fun n Food Village. Now, this was good news. Any previous outing in our school always ended up being and educational trip to Nehru Planitorium or some other crappy place like that. I like studying, but not when I want to enjoy...no. Okay, so we were thrilled.

I was a bit too thrilled, because all of the sections were going together and I would be able to see her for a longer time, without teachers pestering my back.

I'll jump to the trip day, because I don't remember the preparations for that, due to my excitement.

The trip day, we had to reach school at 7.30ish...because the bus would leave at 8. I knew my school pretty well, so I reached at 7.55. The driver was nowhere to be seen and everyone seemed to be waiting for him .It was time to board the bus, like everyone else.

Now, I always sit in front....be it a class, or be it a bus. Everyone from my class, including Viren and Siddharth were seated 'calmly' at the back, shouting at the end of their lungs. Sameedh knew me, and had reserved a seat in the front of the bus, right side....just as I like it.

Call it my good luck, or anything....the sections had to be clubbed.

Two buses were going and two sections had to be in each bus. My section was clubbed with the B section and C was with the D section. That was the first time for that day I saw her. Everyone was in casual clothes...and she looked stunning as always. I never really noticed what she was wearing, but Sam told me she looked cute. I could never take my eyes off her face, so it’s difficult to see what she's wearing. I didn't know it at that time, but she liked sitting at the front of the bus too. She sat in the row adjacent to Sam and mine. Viren and Sid, the bastards, hadn't seen me sit first, and were shouting at the top of their voices, "Haan Beta, ab samjha piche kyo nahi aa raha" (Dude, now I understand why you didn't want to join us back here). From the corner of my eye, I saw her feeling frustrated. My heart missed a beat.

Would she report this to a teacher and would I be punished for something I had not done? Well, nothing of that sort happened. The bus driver finally arrived and the bus kicked into action. The happiest day of my life, had just started....

CHAPTER 2 – HAIR AND HEART

I don't really know why I was feeling like this, but something felt weird inside. I felt an urge to get up and do something to get noticed. But my mind usually takes control of me, and reminds me of whom I am. I didn't get up. But that was not stopping me from staring at her. She was more than just an arm's distance away from me: Beautiful face. In my opinion, she was, like every girl's dream. I really don't know how the girls dream of being, but I thought that everyone wanted to be beautiful and she was looking like an epitome of beauty. Her hair shone golden in the sunlight coming through the windows and I fell in love with her hair then and there. I was woken up from this trance by Sameedh nudging an arm and saying, "Bas kar yaar, abhi bohot time hai, dekhte rahio usi ko" (Stop it, man. We've got loads of time on hand; you can stare at her all the time". I said, "Who? Who are you talking about?” I felt as lame as I had sounded. I immediately pinched in an apology, "Shucks man, I really can't concentrate on anything else right now!” Sam was nowhere near comforting. "Abe yaar, tu to gaya!" (Man, you're gone!). I just straightened up and laid my head against the head rest of the seat.

The journey was going on 'smooth'. I have put that word in inverted commas because 'smooth' was hardly the word to describe it.

Now, India has got around a billion of people living in it. But there is a far more amount of road craters. Most of the people who had a habit of sleeping late and waking up late, tried to sleep in the bus.

They were shaken up quite rudely.

The only one in the bus, however, who was complaining was Viren. This guy wants the world around him in perfection. That's why he idolizes America and had decided two ways in his life. Either he would make India as clean as a whistle or he would settle in the States. Most of the people made him shut up about his complaints and the other people suggested him to settle abroad. He usually accepted both, and then would get back to the enjoyment. The girl I am talking about, I thought had fallen asleep, but she seemed disturbed by the road craters. I wanted to get up and argue with the driver about his driving techniques. But then I realized that even Kimi Raikkonnen would have had trouble trying to avoid the gazillion craters. Yeah, that's me. You can call me weird.

Suddenly the guys from the back of the bus had an idea. They would start a game called 'hand-cricket'. This was a very famous game in our school life. This 'cricket' involves only the use of hands. No, we are not talking about hitting each other here. Now, the human hand has 4 fingers and one thumb, right? At least mine has. So, two selected people have a show of fingers at the same time, and the rules are like this. The person who's the 'batsman' gets runs for the number of fingers he shows. If he shows only the thumb, then it’s six.

If the person, who's the 'bowler’, get the same number of fingers up as the batsman, the batsman is declared out. We used to have a tournament in class on this pattern, with a team of 2 or 3 players.

The section B was more of the studious kind (the girl was a Chemistry topper), so they weren't the least bit interested in playing. This game continued for a while as we travelled from our school in Pitampura, Delhi to Fun n Food Village, Gurgaon.

The hand cricket game was finished, as we got bored of it, and the songs. We had to wait a mere 5 minutes in silence as we drove into the entrance of Fun n Food Village. Now, this is as far from a village as you can get. This is a water and amusement park. The horrible best Delhi has to offer. But we didn't care, as long as it didn't involve desks, chairs and books. When we were de-boarding the bus, I told Sam, "Listen buddy, we are going to stick close to this girl. We go where she goes, okay?” Sam looked as if someone had asked him to watch porn. He said, "Abe yaar, wo fattu hai, ek bhi ride par nahi jaegi! Ham masti kaise karenge?” (What the hell man! She's a scared baby, she won't even go on the water rides, how the hell will we enjoy?). I can be very pressing if I wanted to. In the end, Sam had to agree to my terms. He didn't have much choice did he? The entry in the park was a little too overplayed. Two hosts provided from the park, were over-doing their job. They were subjected to some really hilarious (and vulgar) wisecracks from some of the 'cool-guys' of our school. We finally entered that place, and then the most terrible thing happened.

I forgot to look after that girl; she was nowhere to be seen. Surprisingly, Sam looked happier than ever. I sighed and then we went straight to the water park section.

We were having a dull day. No, let me rephrase it: I was having a dull day. The only reason I wanted to enjoy was nowhere to be seen. Sid and Viren were hanging out together, seeing blonde babes in bikinis.

They both had different reasons for doing that. Sid had the most common one, because it’s a rare sight in India. But Viren had an unusual one: Because they looked like Americans. He didn't give a damn about how incredibly sexy they looked, he just watched in awe as they spoke to their children in their twisted tongue accents. Sam was having a ball. He loved the water and I was trying to find every excuse to lead him from the water to finding her. It was all in vain. I had to finally give in, and join him in a game of water volleyball. Even this went boring after a while, and then we went to try the rides.

Now, Sam and I have different tastes in rides. He took the flashiest ones, while I took the ones which involved minimum risk. Sam was on a ride that was almost 90 degrees with the ground. I took the one which finished before it started. However, he dragged me on to a higher one, like 70 degrees (I like math, so I can make out what the angles were). He pushed me from there, and I was yelling 'bastard' all the way down. Water hit me like a punch from a Sumo wrestler and I thought I was dead.

But life wasn't going to let me go that easy, I resurfaced and much to my surprise, asked by Sam to do that again.

After two hours of wetting ourselves in water, our fingers got frilly like those of the old people, so Sam finally gave in and we moved out of the water section. We changed clothes and then I remembered something. We wanted to taste the food at the water section, so we went back. And there, I had the cruelest experience of all time. That girl was just entering the pool. My mouth went like 'O' and I had a sudden urge to try those water rides again. Sam dragged me away from there, perhaps because he knew I would stand there till midnight if she didn't move.

We were extremely tired because of all that exercise, and thought better to sit and relax for a while. Meanwhile, Sid and Viren also joined us, and shared their experiences. We were our usual selves, except me, that is. I was still thinking about her. I was wondering how a person can be that beautiful. Sam had little to share, mostly because of me. I felt bad for him, but that was just about it. We relaxed for a while, ate some goodies (heard Viren complain about the way the food was prepared), and then decided to move onto the amusement park section. We packed our bags and carried them on our way there. When we were walking there, we saw a table Hockey stall. Now, this game, everyone knows. It involves a magnetic table with a small putt and two strikers. We had to put the ball in each other's table hole and the one, who does 5 in the least time, wins.

We played around 20 games, because the price was extremely low. I would say that we were all on the same level of the game, but Sid would disagree to that. When Viren finally suggested this, Sid had all the reasons in the world to reject that. He demanded a rematch, and Viren decided to challenge him. They remained while Sam and I moved forward.

The amusement park was a bit more fun, because there was no fear of me drowning. Sam was just setting his bag down and tying up his shoelaces, when I saw the most beautiful scene I would ever see in my life. SHE was here. And she was looking different. I took me about half a second to recognize the difference. She had let her hair loose, and it was the most wonderful sight I had ever seen in my life. Now, back then, I didn't know this, but I was feeling just like I had had around 650 ML of strong beer down my throat. I was unable to feel anything else happening around me. Time had stopped, and I thought my heart had stopped.

Sam hit me with his hand, and said "Abe kya hua? Paanch minute se aise kya ghoor raha hai? Wo to waha gayi hai!" (What happened man? You're staring at that place for 5 minutes! She's behind you, not at that place!). I said, "Man, are you blind? Did you see how beautiful she's looking?” Yes, I can be a real idiot when you want me to. Sam had the most heart-breaking answer anyone could have ever had. "Abe normal hi to hai...kuch khaas nahi hai, chod"(She's like a normal gal, what's new? Chuck it, man!).

Sam's "leave" had the minimum impact on me. I wasn't able to think of anyone or anything else. I wished I had the camera handy at that time, to capture a picture at least. I swore to myself, I won't see her again today, because if I do, I would definitely go mad. But God hasn't made my life that easy. If he would have, then I wouldn't have been myself, and you probably wouldn't have been reading this story. Sam and I stepped into the Columbus (a joy ride - looks like a dragon, swings back and forth, although is a lot more fun doing it, rather than reading about it). We had had lunch, so we preferred the middle seats, with minimum risk of vomiting. Just when we were going to sit, I had a look at the people sitting in front of me. I think you can guess who that was. I told you, God never listens to me, but in this case, I was glad he didn't. Now, usually, I scream a lot, trying to make the ride more fun. But today, was different....I was as numb as a stone...I didn't utter a word and hoped that the ride would never end. She didn't have any expression on her face, perhaps because she was looking down. Sam frowned, shrugged, and then went back at screaming. People sitting in the middle of the Columbus, screaming is not a much seen instance; but Sam wanted to enjoy whatever little this park had in offer.

We had a try at some of the rides, but I was totally lost. Sam feared that I might have gone into depression, but the thing that kept him from this thought, was the unusually wide grin on my face. Time clicked down, and it was time we went back.

In the way back, I decided to sit at the back, to avoid any more beautiful damage to my mind. I drifted into a nap, and replayed all those moments, err.....a little bit twisted, by my imagination. The road back home wasn't as long as it was, coming here. We were even given a bad news on the bus that our pre board papers would start the next week, but I was too busy in my dreams to care for that. We got off the bus, in school and when I came to my senses, she had disappeared. I enquired about her from Sam, and he said she went away with her friend. I felt sad, I hadn't really seen her all the time we were on this trip, but I thought this was for my good.
We said our goodbyes, and I headed back to home. I had a great sleep that day, imagining all that could and should have happened in the park. That includes me flying in the air like Goku, carrying her. But I wasn't a saiyan, and I wasn't confident enough shaking hands with her, let alone carry her. I was pleased with my dreams, and I'm sure, mom would have noticed the smile on my face while I was in another place....another time....another life.

CHAPTER 3 – CHOICES AND DECISIONS

Life at home wasn't too bad.

I used to play football, and I used to study. That's merely it. I hated remaining at home, just like the other kids my age. This was the stage of life when you can either go the right way, or end up in the wrong way. I knew myself pretty well, so I knew I would have never fallen to the dark side.

I pined for school because of many reasons. She being in the school was the primary one, though. There was a change evolving in me. It was prominent enough for mum to notice, and that was much to my horror.

Now, I am a pretty private person so I don't like my life shared with others, especially when they aren't my age, and when they have a kind of total control on my life.

Class ten was always going to be a landmark. Much because of the legendary board system, and the other, because most people in my standard were getting smitten by long term-turned short-term relationships. This had evolved into a fashion in the school. In the lunch break, all the studs of the school were seen roaming around with girls in arms, much to the dismay of the disciplinary authorities of our school.

My friends and I, however, gave two hoots to this stupid change in lifestyle of the school. We were too busy pulling each others' legs.

Amity Kathuria had recently joined our group of the cool singles. We all usually ganged up against one guy and then pulled his leg for a whole day. When it was my turn, it was then when I realized the agony of the guy that had his turn the day before. My insults usually involved the abysmal performance in my 'love' life. I wasn't hurt by that. I knew that I would surely have her one day. I didn't even care about the fashion that had started in our school. Although, she was very beautiful, she gave no signs of interest in any of the studs of our school. She behaved indifferently to them. She had a very unique and fool-proof style of choosing friends. She made a few friends, but she knew it in her heart that they would be there to help each other in the most difficult of times. I totally lacked this quality. In a way, I was totally opposite to her. I usually trusted people even before I had a chat with them.

My close friends were like a breath of fresh air. And even Sid Kumar. Although he was at the pole position for teasing me about her, but still, he made me laugh in those miserable days before the first pre-boards. Pre-boards: the most dreaded time that loomed large over our heads. This was mainly because we heard an announcement that these results would be kept in mind while allotting us streams.

I had a very decent idea in my mind, since class six. I had to take up medical. I had always wanted to be a neuro-surgeon. My mom was a nurse, until she got married, and my dad is a physician. So my interest in medical was just legacy. My biology teacher, in class ten was one of the very best of our school.

She had told me that I had good grades and I would do well if I chose Biology as a main subject in class eleven.

The things were going perfect. I knew that if I got over 80 percent in the first pre-board, I would be allotted medical easily because hardly more than 20 people opted for Biology.

Things were really going perfect.

But this was my life, and the word ‘perfect’ is always preceded by 'Miss' and is in a noun form. So my life could never have 'perfect' as an adjective. Life truly fucked me up when I thought I had it all clear in my mind.

It happened on the day four days before the first pre-board examination.

We were given a form to fill up our choices for the subjects to be chosen in class eleven. I was just about to fill up the form, when I had an intuition of some kind. I asked my class teacher to excuse me for some time. I went straight ahead to the Senior Biology lab, where my Biology teacher used to sit. I wished her good afternoon and told her about the form that needed to be filled up. She said that she had been expecting me.

I asked her, "Why mam? I think that you pretty well know about my choice."

She replied, to my horror, “Yes, beta. But I know your choice in a thing that's very much different to this subject-form."

At that moment, I wondered why the hell I had even wanted to come here.

She continued, "See, I know you like her. It’s very normal at this stage. And it is very good to hear that you haven't been doing any of the stupid stuff that your classmates have been doing."

I was shaken up to my core, I started, "Uh...Mam, How do you.......But what does this have to do with my subject choosing?"

She was patient with me, "Well beta, I have eyes and I can see you staring at her all the time in the class-assemblies and also every moment that you get. Why, I even saw you looking her way in your Meal-Planning classes, when your group was out there submitting the recipe that you people had created to the teacher for grades. Anyways, that doesn't matter. The thing that does matter right now is this form. You must be told, Medical is a very serious training branch. One slip and you never could get an admission in a good medical college. If you don't have a good medical college degree, then you would have your career blown to bits. I've come to know that she has also filled up for medical. Now, the choice is yours”.

“You have to choose between your career and the girl. I know that it would be very difficult for you to concentrate if she's in the class, because I've seen how dumb you become when she's around or something. So, it would be better if you just sit down in the class, and ponder over it for a minute or so."

I was too shocked to say anything. I thanked her, and went back to the class.

I just sat down quietly on my chair. Sam hurried up after me, "Oye tune kya bhara? Kahan gaya tha? Abe jaldi form de aana!" (Hey! What did you fill in the form? Where had you gone? Give the form (to the teacher), quick!)

I said, "Haan yaar, do minute ruk jaa"(Okay, man. Wait for two minutes).

I stared at the form in front of me. I had a major decision to take. This would be the turning point. But this won't be a turning point like the one in a cricket match. That changes just the course of one game. In this case, this game was called - My life. So I had to be careful. I knew what Sameedh had filled. He would have filled Medical, just like I had planned, before this short meeting, though. Two scenes were running through my mind.

One had me, with her hand and walking down some corridor. And the other one had me, successful, as an engineer, but lonely. I fought hard. I had just realized what the very obvious choice for me was. But I was not willing to let it go. I wanted to be close to her. I had a very bright chance. I knew it from my heart that if I chose another option here; I would never even have a chance to speak to her. But the other side was my life, my career. I knew my teacher was right. I would never even be able to pass my class if she was in it. I had seen the consequences of that in my computer club class. She was in my group, and I had to teach her animation in Macromedia Flash. This thing, I had been doing all of my life. But I screwed up everything.

I did make a ball move, but it wasn't as I intended it to move. She must have been thinking of what an idiot I was. And medical was a big thing, not a stupid flash application.

I don't know what was going in my mind, or in my heart. I took a choice, and it was my mind that prevailed.

I took a pen, ticked the preference "Non-Medical with Computer Science", filled in my name (I put on the first letter as an 'A' instead of an 'S', then scribbled it correct), and gave it to my teacher.

I sat on my chair, put my head on the desk, and replayed the most memorable sights of the beautiful girl, with whom I had just cancelled a long class of two years. I felt sick to my stomach. Sam was shocked at my decision too. He had plans of sitting with me for another two years. He had even promised me that he would help me talking with her, but it was all in vain. That day, was not a very sweet one. I came to know that Bailey, Viren, Sahil and Rishik had all filled in the same branch as mine, and I had some respite. I would not be alone in that class. I would have some friends to pass time with. But no one mattered to me at any moment more than she did. I thought I shouldn't have cared for this stupid Non-Medical thing in the first place, or even the consultation at the last moment, for that matter.

I went back to my teacher and told her about my preference. She said she was happy and she knew that I would have made the correct choice.

It wasn't enough to console me. I went back home and furiously threw away my bag and shoes and flung myself to the bed. I was furious with myself. I wanted to take out some frustration, so I opened my computer to play a wrestling game. Instead, I opened up the internet and searched for the career options with this non-medical stream.

I could just see one word from all of the results - ENGINEER. I knew what I had to become. Then I searched for the best engineering institute in India. It was called - IIT (Indian Institute of Technology).

Selection percentage - less than 1%. Hmm....I thought, this would be tough, but I think if I study well enough, I would pass it. But I needed coaching....so I searched for that too. Google, unlike the god, always has answers. So it gave me the results for the best IIT coaching institute in Delhi. It was named VMC (Vidyamandir Classes).

From that moment, I knew what I had to do. I clicked on the 'Contact us' link on the webpage of VMC. I wrote them a message "Reserve a seat in the IITJEE-2007 Batch. The student's name is Saksham Nagpal". Without thinking twice, I clicked on "Send".

I had a firm belief in my mind, I did make a choice, and I'm going to prove this to everyone that what I did was right.

I knew I would have her, even with different classes and I would have her, in the end, to the end. With that, having a wry smile on my face, I clicked on "Shut-Down".

CHAPTER 4 – THE COMMITMENT AND THE EFFORT

"What the hell are you up to, man? Trying to crack the Math Olympiad or what?"

Sam was bewildered from my sudden interest in studies. He hadn't seen me like this for years. For that matter, no one had! But I knew what I had in mind. I just hoped that I didn't turn into a nerd. I spent every minute of class deeply engrossed in studies. Apart from that, I had developed a new interest. It was football. I had never played football seriously anytime before in life. I had always watched in awe as to how a guy called Sidhant a.k.a Sid, who lived near my house played. He was, like, the Cristiano Ronaldo for me. I wanted to, no, let me rephrase that, I desperately wanted to be able to play football like him. I fought with my parents to buy me a ball and a pair of football shoes. This was very difficult considering my sudden success in school. I wasn't really hoping for any miracle, because miracle and Saksham's life were two different parts of the world. I was learning to play quickly and I was devoting as much time to study as well. For the first time in my life, I was being able to sort out my life.

 Soccer was a breath of fresh air. If it wasn't for soccer, my friends, at least Bailey would have labeled me as a geek.

Sam and I were involved in lesser tricks, and did the homework we were given efficiently. Our Hindi teacher, Ms Babita Singh, was particularly strict about the way homework was done.

Now, my Hindi was not over the moon or anything, but even she was fairly impressed by the way we did our work, so that was an achievement. My class was starting to play football instead of other senseless games. Some new talents were being discovered on the field. I played fine, but my team wasn’t able to understand my sudden sloppy play sometimes during a game. They, of course, weren't aware of the presence of B section in the field as well. Perhaps, my closest friend did acknowledge that, and made fun of me after the game. I started playing as a goalkeeper. I did that because no one was actually dying to be the goalkeeper. I also found that position a bit interesting and challenging. Sam never preferred soccer; he played table tennis like a pro, and played that with Mukul and other table tennis champs. Sid played on the right wing, and was surprisingly good at it. Viren, however, chose the position in which he could complain the most. He was a defender, a right back and always complained about the way the attackers played. We usually had a good laugh when Viren was pumped up. The other sections, however, were too interested in cricket, proving their existence as perfect Indians.

It wasn't long before I realized that I wasn't the only one studying for VMC. There were other people too, the most prominent ones being Sahil Goyal, Samarth Dhingra, Rishik Bazaz and various others.

I came to know that it was a pretty big thing to be in VMC, so that made the challenge even more interesting. I had never mentioned my interest in VMC to Sam, Bailey or Viren; because I knew they would all laugh. I wasn't a topper, and non-toppers usually don't even dream about places like VMC or IIT. Well, I was dreaming about both. I perfected my math. I knew that Math was my strong point But, I had a problem coming up.

My mother wanted me to pass boards with at least a 90 percent grade. I had never considered that. I just wanted to get a respectable percentage and an admission in VMC. Now, I came to know at that time, the CBSE board system which was followed in our school was based on one rule - cramming. And as soon as I came to know of that, I knew one thing - Sahil was going to get above 90 for sure. That guy has a photographic memory. He memorizes the answers with the questions, a feat that I won't even try to achieve. I didn't know about the capabilities of Viren, Sam or Bailey. But I knew that I could get more than Viren and Sam. The problem still persisted. I didn't want to specially study for the boards, and my mum, well, she made me do papers three hours long, to perfect my board skills. VMC study was totally different from that of the board. It involved mind, and skill. It was my cup of tea. I was sure that if I study for it, nothing was going to keep me from my seat there. However, I didn't want to disappoint mom. So, I made a plan. I sat in my room and closed the door, and told mum that I was doing the three hour long paper. Instead, I solved complex mathematical problems.

I was fast with the pen and paper, so the CBSE papers got finished in about 2 hours. That gave me an hour long of VM study everyday, without mum knowing about it. I was doing both things, but I knew that I was sacrificing my mom's dream.

The boards arrived and went away as quickly as anything. I had pledged to myself that I won't see or think about the girl, so I'm not even writing about her. Apart from the rare glimpses at the field, or the Board Centre, I rarely saw of her, and I was happy. I hadn't done well in my boards, especially Social Studies, the subject that I hated. My friends were pretty happy and rejoiced at the end of the boards. Even Viren wasn't complaining about the questions being out of course, or the paper being difficult.

He seemed pretty happy with his job. Sam was happy as always and Bailey was too busy pulling other people's leg to think about his papers.

At the end of the boards, many students thought that their job was done, but some people, including me, knew that we had a little more than a couple of weeks to prepare for the VM test. The more I came to know about the preparation of Sahil and others, the more interesting the challenge became. I had an urge in me to beat the odds and get in there. One day, Sahil asked me if I was preparing for VM. I said yes, because there was no hiding anything from him, because we had to go for the test in the same centre, and most probably, we would go and come back together. He asked me if I wanted to study for VM with him. Now, this was an offer too tempting to resist.

This was a chance to learn his tricks to how did he study. I had no other thought in mind, other than to accept it.

The study at Sahil's house was different from what Amity had told me about group study. Amity had told me that group study usually lasted for hardly half an hour, and the rest of time gets devoted to play. However, in our group study, we used to study for two or more hours without even looking at the watch. Then, we refreshed ourselves with a quick snack that either his mom made, or, in most of the cases, we ordered from outside. There were two secrets that I was learning during that period. One, that Sahil had an extremely good concentration, and I also came to how he got so fat. We had extended our study hours as the D-Day drew closer. We were grabbing new concepts, that our other classmates, had no idea about. We had learnt complex trigonometry and also the behavior of electric current.

The day before the test, I decided to stay back at Sahil's home, to squeeze in more hours of study. Or at least that is what I thought. The last day was a lot different from the other days. One, Sahil seemed in no mood of studying as much as he usually did. And two, we played for more than three hours. Study session started at around 8 in the night, and we ended it at around 12 night. Surprisingly, we weren't as tired as we used to be. Sahil had an idea. He had installed a strategy game called Zeus. I love the Greek Mythology and was immensely interested in it.

Now, the ones who play strategy games would understand that time flies like anything when we start playing. We slept at around 3.30 in the night, and had a wonderful sleep.

I was feeling surprisingly happy and free the day of the paper. I knew we had studied well for the test and it was going to go well. The environment around me wasn't too pleasing. I knew just one guy from my room and I particularly didn't like him much. I didn't know it back then, but I was to hate him more than anything at a later stage of my life. The test paper came to me as a 440 Volt shock. I didn't even understand most of the questions in the paper. Scrambling for answers, I gathered some courage and looked around. The people around me were looking helpless too. This gave me a reason to smile. I started the paper over again, and in the end, I was surprised at the number of questions I was able to attempt. I was sure about the correctness of 7 questions out of a total of 20. The others, I had tried, but didn't reach at any conclusion. When I came out after giving the paper, I saw Sahil, Rishik and Vaibhav discussing the paper. Sahil had been able to do around 10 questions and Rishik was unwilling to tell his attempt. Vaibhav, pompous as always, was bragging about being able to do 17 of the total 20 questions. He was the only one sure about his admission.

Sahil and I were just laughing away our chances to be in VMC. We decided to celebrate. Rishik opted out, as always, saying that his mum had called him and Vaibhav wasn't invited to attend the party, but we weren't in the mood to give up.

I went back with Sahil to his home and we continued to play Zeus. I even felt a minor fever in the night. It came out to be around 101 degree Fahrenheit, but it meant nothing to me. I had coped up with a 104, so 101 seemed like child's play. I returned to my home in the morning, and was tired like hell. I slipped into my nightclothes, and slowly spread out on the bed. The last thoughts I had before I went to sleep were - "Mission Successful from my side, Report Pending".

CHAPTER 5 – THE ACHIEVEMENT AND THE PARADOX

"Ding Dong"

The bell rang. I was half asleep.

Dad wasn't home, and mum was sleeping as well. I didn't want to go get up to the door, so I played asleep. Mum knew that, obviously, but she went to open the door herself. I was lying half awake half asleep in my bed when a thought struck me. I thought that maybe her mum and dad came to know about me and have written a letter to my parents stating that they would kill me if I didn't stop. I was trembling, and to top it all up, mum called, and said, "It’s a letter for you, Saksham". I felt a bolt surge through my backbone. I wryly got up and sat on the bed, pretending that I wasn't aware of anything, I said, "Who's letter is that?” Mum said, "It’s from....let me see....Vidyamandir Classes. It’s your result, probably." I sat up on bed, wide-eyed, and snatched it from mum's hands. I tore it open, tearing my name on the letter with it. Mum asked me to slow down, but only a hurricane would have stopped me from opening that letter in frenzy. I read the letter in a quick glance.

It stated -

Mr. Saksham Nagpal

CONGRATULATIONS! On the basis of your efforts in the entrance test, we are pleased to tell you that you have been selected for our regular classroom course........

There were around 50 lines after that, but I didn't have the patience to read that. I shouted on the top of my lungs, "I MADE IT! I FUCKING MADE IT". "Oops, sorry mum...but I'm truly excited today". As if this wasn't enough, Mum surprised me by saying, "Yes, It’s understandable". I had never ever achieved something of this caliber in my life before. I didn't know what to do, so I picked up my landline and dialed Sahil's number. I heard a busy tone. I didn't have the courage to keep the news to myself. I called up Rishik. His mum picked up. "Aunty, Rishik hai kya? Main Saksham bol raha hu, uska friend". (Hello Aunty, is Rishik there? I am Saksham, his friend). She replied, "Nahi beta, Rishik to abhi market gaya hua hai. Aapka VMC ka result aaya hai kya? Rishik ka letter to subah hi aagaya tha: He got selected" (No, Rishik has gone to the market. What happened about your VMC result? Rishik got his letter in the morning, which stated that he was selected). I told her that I'd been selected as well. So Rishik and I were sure shot admissions in VMC. I was happy that I had a classmate in there. I called up Sahil again. He didn't pick it up this time either.

"Oh well, I'll talk to him in the school"

I ran downstairs because some of my friends in my apartments had also given the test. I met all of them; they were standing in a group. They all asked me about my result.

I told them I was selected. That started a buzz in there. None of them had been selected even for the Extended Program the Vidyamandir People had. I had a feeling that my result wasn't totally accepted there. I told them that I was in a hurry, and I left that place. Reaching home, I had the biggest surprise of the day waiting for me.

"Saksham beta, Sahil hasn't got any letter from VMC".

My mouth went like 'O'. I felt aghast. I mean, it was always Sahil who was ahead of me and I had always tried to copy his style of study, however, in vain. How the hell could he have missed out on VM? I asked my Dad, "Did uncle call up VM and enquire about his result? It’s highly improbable that he didn't get through." Dad said, "Yes, they have asked them, they've said that he has cleared, but Sahil's saying that he won't believe anything until he sees the admission letter himself". Now, this was kind of expected. Sahil had never received any letter from VM, even when we had joined the one-year correspondence for class ten. I was pleased that Sahil and Rishik both had cleared it too.

"Wait till she hears about this" I thought happily, and immediately felt guilty. I thought to myself, "I have never ever tried to talk to her, and I expect her to be happy on my result!

Why, she must think of me as a snob, good for nothing guy who means nothing to her."

"Well, anyways, I've started on the staircase to IIT!"

I felt a little thrilled. I wasn't able to contain my excitement during sleep too, that day. Next day was school, and I hoped that people would recognize me as an achiever rather than another person. I never knew that I was highly mistaken.

I reached school a little earlier than everyday. Dad dropped me to school, because I wasn't old enough to drive, and my parents were very keen to follow the traffic rules, much like the perfectionist Viren. I took my usual seat with Rishik, with Sahil sitting just behind us with, much to his disappointment, Vaibhav. Sahil always sulked in the presence of Vaibhav, which is justified, given how much he resents him. Well, the day started, as usual with the Zero Period; better known as the free period. People started flocking in our class, enquiring about the result. I had told my result to my friends, including everyone from my class, but I didn't want to mention it to the others. I don't know why, but I didn't want them to know about it. But the VM result is probably the world's worst kept secret. "Oh well, let them know about it, who cares".

The first shock came from Karan Kashyap, a guy whom I didn't fancy much talking to. He was a kind of stud, and those people, well; I try to maintain my distance from them.

He said, "Aur bhai Nagpal, kitne paise khilaye the VM waalo ko admission ke liye? Teri aukaat to hai nahi waha jane ki" (Hey man, how much money did you bribe the VM people with? Because you certainly don't deserve to be there). "Abe chal na, jo samajh na hai samajh le"(Man, forget it, think whatever you want to).

I wasn't frustrated by this incident. I knew that some people are jealous at the achievement of others, so it was acceptable. We were summoned to the ground for the assembly and were made to stand in lines according to our classes. Karan Kashyap was busy cracking wisecracks, trying to insult me. I was, however, standing in more sophisticated company.

The prayers started, and after five minutes of concentration, I was feeling as bored as anyone else in my class' line. My eyes, as usual, wandered in the medical section, and I was able to spot her within five seconds. I waited for her face to tilt towards our line, but, alas...it never did. I sighed and concentrated back on my line.

The day was filled with mockery and I was feeling tensed. I had started to think that I really didn't deserve my place there. I was being mocked by the people of my class, when Rishik overheard them. He asked me to turn a deaf ear, and I sort of agreed. The study that day was very interesting. I had more confidence in myself, because a group of very intelligent people had thought me worthy to join them and try to be like them.

The second half of the day went a little better than the first one.

The signing off time came up, and I was as glad as anything. I met Sam and enquired about his result. He had been selected just in correspondence, but he was better than Viren, who hadn't even cleared correspondence. But Viren was glad about it, and so were we.

I went back home, totally spent. I didn't do much all evening, except playing football. I went to bed, replaying the moments, and trying to have a good thought to have a dream about. I used to dream about her, and most of my dreams ended up in me dying and she not even looking at me. I laughed on myself, because that was the only thing I could have done. I didn't mind dying for such a pretty face, even if she didn't care about my existence.

CHAPTER 6 – THE FIRST LOOK AT MY NEW LIFE

We were in the Chemistry lab. The eighth period was going on, which meant that there was just one more period to go before the bell rang to mark the end of day. It was an important day for Sahil, Rishik, Samarth and I. We had to attend our first Vidyamandir Class. I wasn’t thinking about that, because a) She was roaming outside, and b) The pungent smell of H₂S gas was sickening me from within. I felt as if I’d been placed in a room full of rotten eggs, exactly like the lab manual suggested. To add salt to the wound, I was the prescribed person to make that awful gas. My group wasn’t going any further with the experiment. Now, I like the practical classes and prefer them over theory ones, but this gas was making me feel sick. Sahil and Rishik noticed this and asked me if anything was wrong. But I told them to continue the experiment, and asked Viren to come out of the lab with me. We asked permission from the teacher, and headed out of the lab that smelled like a pig-hole at that moment.

The corridors were always a place for me to find solace. We had been there just for ten short minutes when Viren asked me to come back with him to the lab. I told him that he should go back, and I’ll follow suite after some time. He agreed, and ran back to the lab. I leaned against the railings and watched the people play badminton in the courts below. I believe that this still is the favorite activity for the people like me in school. The more studious ones, however, were always seen in classes, taking notes or re-re-re-reading them for the umpteenth time.

The sporty ones, who were the favorites between the girls, were either found in the field with a cricket ball in their hand, or in the basement, with a table tennis racquet, or, more commonly, they were found in the winding staircases, hand in hand with their girlfriends.

I didn’t belong to either of this category, even though I had learnt to play football a lot better now. Our school and its faculty despised football, and tried their best to refrain anyone from playing football.

This has been pretty much the story of my life. I’ve always been ‘in-between’. There were guys in my class like Sahil and Rishik, who were up to their ears in study, and were almost always found with a book in their hands. And then, there was this other group, Aman, Amit and Rahul Gupta and the others. They were almost always playing a zonal or an inter-zone or even a national tournament of table tennis, and were extremely good at it. I was, more like, average in everything. This stopped me from being famous in school. I always wanted to be good in something, but I started a thing too many, and found myself always in between. I mean, yes, I can play football, but not as good as Sidharth Allahabadi. Yes, I can study, but I don’t score more than Sahil and the others. Yes, I love a girl, but I’m too stupid and unworthy of getting her. Yes, I am in Vidyamandir, but I’m always wondering how I made it in there. Am I too pessimistic? Maybe, but you need to get some results in life to be a bit optimistic. If you think that I was going to be a total failure in life, well, join the club.

I eventually got tired of leaning against the railing watching people aimlessly tossing the remains of a poor bird to each other, and I decided to head back in the lab. Now, if it were a Hindi period of class ten, I wouldn’t even have dreamed of staying out this late from the class. But this was a chemistry period, and that too, a lab class, not a theory one. I strolled back into the lab, and saw Sahil extremely happy, as he had finally succeeded in manufacturing the highly dangerous nostril-killing gas. I sat down on the chair in the far corner of the lab, and closed my eyes. I liked this activity, because whenever I closed my eyes, I visualized myself talking to her, and that made me happy. However, my happiness was short-lived, as the bell rang. We were free to go home, but we had a class at 4 PM.

Sahil and I went to his home, as it was near. We had lunch, changed clothes to casuals from our extremely dirty school dress. Apart from the two of us, there was one more guy going with us. His name was Nitish, better known as Chinky.

He lived near Sahil’s house, and was doing his schooling from Bal Bharti, Pitampura. We hopped into the car, and set off for the privileged institution that everyone dreamed of going into. We had been asked to study Vectors for that first day. This showed how professional the Vidyamandir people were. And this also meant that our first class was going to be of Physics.

We entered the building, and saw a person welcoming all the new students. He asked us which batch were we in. I was standing before Sahil and Chinky, so I replied, “Batch A”. He pointed to the first door downstairs on the right. I entered the room, and was subjected to a pleasing blast of chilled air. I had a glimpse of the students sitting there. I saw all kind of students, but they had one thing in common.

They all looked like geeks. I searched over the class for some more friendly faces, but everyone was too involved in their books or notes.

Sahil and Chinky sat down at the back, but as there were no seats left, I chose to sit in the row fourth from the back. I sat with a guy who looked like a descendant from the Einstein family. But he looked a bit human, unlike most of the students in that room. He introduced himself as Sidharth Chabra. He was the first person with whom I had a talk since entering that room. Shortly after I had taken my seat, Rishik and Samarth arrived, and Rishik sat beside me whereas Samarth took a seat even further. Samarth’s brother Nikhil was a VM pass out, so we all knew that Samarth was a definite success in VM. A person entered and announced, to our surprise, that the class’ subject wasn’t Physics, but it was Math. I was delighted, because the class had switched from the Subject I hated, to the subject I adored. A person, who looked like the teacher, entered the room. He made his way through the rows of seats and, to everyone’s surprise sat down on a chair. Everyone was staring at him, so he eventually broke the ice, “Hey, I’m not the teacher, I’m also a student! My name is Abhishek Bhatnagar”. Now, this guy looked like five years older than we were. He wore a loose T-Shirt and shorts. If this was not Vidyamandir, I would have believed that he had flunked many times. But in this room, apart from me, everyone seemed to be a genius.

And this person, however he may look, was a true genius in every aspect to be a part of this room. Suddenly, the tension was beginning to get the better of me. I was feeling out of place. How I wished someone like Sid or Viren was here. But then, I remembered that Sid had not been given regular classroom program, and Viren, the legend, had not even been able to make it to the correspondence program.

We were waiting in silence for someone, who did look and behave like a teacher to enter the class. I sighed and opened my notes, but realized it was useless to study them, because we were going to be taught Math. I was carelessly flipping away pages, when I turned and saw Sahil diving deeply into his notes.

He didn’t care if those were of Physics or not, because he knew that Vector was going to be taught one day. He was looking as if he was pursuing Ph.D. in physics. Time passed away, and after what seemed like an eternity, a new person entered the room. He climbed onto the mini-stage that was set up for the teacher, and opened one of the two markers that he had brought with him. Now, this person was a little different from the image that comes in mind when you visualize a teacher. He was looking no more than thirty in age, and was not at all looking like a geek and nerdy IITian. He wore loose baggy pants and a cool funky T-Shirt. He wore designer spectacles, and had a spiked up hairstyle. He had a smile on his face that made you think that he’s going to crack a good joke. When he started speaking, the language that came out was fluent English rather than the intermittent version we were better acquainted with. Furthermore, to distinguish him from the other teachers, he stood there like a real stud. He didn’t have any stoop that the other teachers usually sported. He had a good frame and stood tall. We all opened our empty registers and noted down notes from our first class in Vidyamandir. Time flew past quite easily and before I had to look at the watch, the class had already ended. I had forgotten the smell of H₂S and also the misery of my life. This four hour long class made sure that I’d forgotten any pain that I had gone through in the day. It felt refreshing, because the class was all logic based, and I always enjoyed doing Math. I liked the teacher, because he didn’t teach like a teacher. He taught as if a friend was teaching another friend.

The class was starting to get dispersed when the teacher stopped the front row students from making notes and the last benchers from going out of the room. He finally introduced himself. “Manmohan Gupta, you would know me better as Munna Bhaiyya here. See, VM is not only focused on making good students; it’s based on making good human beings. You will learn the best way to live your life during your time here.

With fun and enjoyment, we will make your road to IIT a pleasure. JEE is just a mere formality. If you guys won’t clear the JEE, then who would? You are the best of the best and you don’t need to prove this to anyone. Apart from being good in studies, try to be a good human being, and your life will be successful. You all may go now”. Just when we were beginning to leave, the person who had informed us about the change in the subject of class, came in, and announced the date for our next class. It was on Saturday, a week and 2 days later.

Sahil didn’t seem to be ecstatic. He was more focused on the homework that had been given to us. Rishik, however, was summing up his first experience at Vidyamandir. We walked up to the place where auto-rickshaws were parked. We hired one to our home. On the way, we were discussing the class, with interruptions from Sahil to discuss about the questions asked in the class. The trip ended, and I was the last person to be dropped. When I reached home, it was already 9.30. Mum had made dinner, and after having dinner, I changed into my bedclothes and jumped into my bed. I switched off the light, and continued with my daily practice: imagine talking to her.

I haven’t mentioned this as of yet, because before this point of time, I had never ever believed in it. I used to talk to her, as if she were sitting in front of me, listening to all that I had to babble. But today was different. I knew that I had found a way. I knew how to be successful in life. I told her all about the day’s experience. She seemed happy listening to it, and I was happy seeing her happy. I told her about the people there, about the teacher, and about the subject.

After all my talks, I promised her, that when I grew up; I would join IIT and earn lots of money to keep her happy. Even while I did this, I wish she were really here to give me support. With those final thoughts, I prayed to god that my wish be fulfilled and she should be the happiest person in the world.

I finally closed my eyes, and drifted into a sleep that was full of dreams with Munna Bhaiyya teaching her and me, with Sahil jumping in the background as he had topped JEE 2007.

CHAPTER 7 – A PEEK INTO SAHIL’S MIND

So, here I am…finally a chapter for me. Mr. Saksham finally got a break from ‘her’ and suddenly remembered his friends…how polite of him.

You all might be wondering about why Saksham or ‘Stifler’ as he calls himself these days does not remember the days before class sixth. Because it’s all about ‘her’. ‘She who must not be named’ wasn’t there before sixth. It wasn’t Stifler or Henry or the thousand names he finds to hide his true identity.

It was the real Saksham Nagpal.

Well he and I met at the first day our school, or that is what our mothers tell us. His and mine friendship grew for a very weird reason. He used to bring Sandwiches to lunch every day and me rotis. After some time, we both grew bored and started exchanging lunches, and became a necessity for each other during lunchtime.

In our earlier days, we weren’t too keen on studying. Class 1, 2, and 3 passed with Rishik Bazaz and Bharat Wadhwa bagging the top honors in academics. Our days passed in fun and frolic with the occasional fight regarding lost pencils and erasers.

It was finally in class IV that I took up to being a ‘nerd’. It was maybe due to our Hindi teacher at that time, Mrs. Malti Gupta as far as I can remember. She used to make smileys on your grade card. Smiley’s that could make your Yahoo Messenger ones look expressionless. I got quite a few of ‘sad faces’. So maybe that made me to study. But I did, and the end of fourth, I was a ‘bright’ student.

And that was when Saksham came into his own league.

Now, you all must be inspired by the ‘idiot’ to ‘genius’ transformation given to you by him after his selection in Vidyamandir. But since now I have the space, I will tell you the truth. The signs of intelligence were always there.

It was class V. The mathematics course takes a quantum leap in that class, too much for little kids to follow. And now there was this day, the math quiz.

I remember vomiting out of tension before that quiz, and hell, all my fears came true: Word problems on multiplication, one after the other, tougher than the previous one. When the ordeal was over, I went home with Saksham and discussed the quiz. There was this problem where a garment dealer has to make a profit, and he has some shirts. Now I don’t remember the exact problem, but we had to find out the number of shirts. So, I asked Saksham the answer in my cocky self, and he replied – “125”. I said-“paagal hai kya? Answer to 127.56 aaya tha” (Are u mad? The answer was 127.56). “Abe answer 127.56 kaise ho sakta hai? Kya kisi shirt ke kuch button toot gaye kya?”(How can the answer be 127.56? Did any shirt lose its buttons?”

And then any knew how my quiz went.

The next week, we were supposed to get our quiz answer sheets back. I confirmed with all the toppers, neither Rishik nor Bharat felt happy about the quiz. So, in the usual Indian spirit of competition, that made me feel better.

And so the process started.

“Viren Bhanot, 7/30 - Very poor”, but even Viren expected these.

“Sidharth Malhotra, 15/30”

“Bharat Wadhwa, 14/30”

“Rishik Bazaz, 15/30, I expected much better”

“Sahil Goyal, 22/30”…Those last few words made me feel on the top of the world. I had beaten the people at the top, and now nothing mattered. I gleefully came back to my seat and thought of rejoicing at my victory. Surely, I topped it now.

And then suddenly:

“Saksham Nagpal, 29.5/30, excellent”

Stunned silence surrounded the room. Then it was followed by some ‘oohhss’ and ‘aahhhs’. Like me, everybody was shocked to see Saksham at the heaven he was at the time. The teacher then asked everybody to clap for him, which everybody did. After all, it was quite an achievement.

Now many of you may think that he topped in that class. But life hasn’t been that kind on him. Now I am told that quite a few foreign readers also read this story, so I’ll tell you the about the Indian education system. It is a system where muggers prosper and geniuses fall by the wayside.

As Saksham has told you before, I have an excellent mugging capability. In the social science paper, where one had to learn the date of when steam engines were invented, I got 89/90. I think I cried on my one mark lost. And ‘Mr. I-wont-mug’ got some score in the 70s, but was still happy.

So, math being one of the five subjects in that year, Saksham’s effort in math was all washed away by the rest. On the contrary, mine math blunder was all covered up.

The academic term ended and I ended up as 2^nd in my class, before Rishik Bazaz. Saksham got average result, but he was beaming at the A+ he got in math, whilst Rishik and I managed a B.

Then came class 6. Did Saksham say he didn’t have bad eating habits? That’s a blatant lie; because at that time he was a pizza addict. I think he was very fat at that time.

Class 6 is the time when classes are reshuffled. I was separated from my usual competitors Bharat and Rishik. Saksham and I were in one section though, so was Bhanot. We were joined in by Bailey, aka Sidharth Kumar, who was quite a jovial guy.

Among new friends, I found a competitor in a guy called Vaibhav Goel. At that point, I thought that he would learn from his success in math and try to cultivate interest in other subjects as well. But on the contrary, his love for math reached new heights and his hate for other subjects, especially Hindi and social sciences went higher.

My mother always wanted to see me dance well. So, she insisted me to take up Dance as an additional co-curricular subject. Saksham took vocal music I think. He hasn’t told you, but he used to sing quite well.

The year ended quite badly for me. I did perform very well in academics, but thanks to my ridiculous dancing, I got a ‘D’ in it. This ensured that I was nowhere in the toppers list. Saksham had finally got a glimpse of ‘her’ and maybe that was the only highlight of the year for him.

There was a surprise waiting for me on the first day of the class 7. The school had maybe recognized my academic prowess and drafted me alongside Vaibhav to the nerdy section, back with Rishik and Bharat. I was initially very unhappy about it, but soon settled. More importantly for him, I was in ‘her’ section.

Well there was this day when Prateek Midha was frantically searching the pages of our class register to find a girl’s phone number for his brother. That girl turned out to be ‘her’. Around that time, there were about a hundred rumors linking a boy with a girl. But this wasn’t a light one. It was serious.

The ‘guy’, Prateek’s brother that is, had quite a liking for ‘her’. He liked ‘her’ so much that he even had the guts to ask ‘her’. But ‘she’ took it seriously.

She rejected him, and though I don’t know much, there was quite a ruckus in the school.

Saksham didn’t want to tell you this. Think he didn’t want you to know that were admirers for ‘her’ except him.

The ‘guy’ left the school and soon Saksham was the only one left in the race. Soon there were rumors courtesy Bailey that linked Saksham with ‘her’.

The following two or three years we had minimal contact at school. I concentrated myself on studies and he concentrated on ‘her’, or at least that is what we all at school saw. As people used to tease him about ‘her’, he used to do the same to me for a girl called Jayati Gulati, occasionally calling me ‘Gulatan’.

Now I jump straight to pre-board time in class X. That was the time when Saksham when became serious. He used to ask me whether he would make it to the science stream or not, and it was the first time in years that I saw him really anxious.

Then came the VM test and his moment of glory. This was when I thought Saksham was finally in the big league. He had finally realized his potential, and was a proud member of the topper club.

We celebrated our success by watching a porn movie. Chinky and I did that for Saksham, as he had never watched one before. I think we watched two or three more, but then finally got bored by the repetitive storylines in these films. Saksham was lurking in the background, looking in disbelief at the actions of the ‘stars’ in that disc.

The two years at VM were full of hard work and determination for me. For him, there was always the distraction of ‘her’. The time flowed then, with tests, assignments, quizzes and the usual porn to lighten up the mood.

The tests conducted at VM pitted us against the best minds, and usually the results weren’t encouraging.

I usually managed to top among my school cum VM group, which was satisfying, but hardly enough for a good rank in JEE. Saksham’s tests, with the exception of one or two, went horrendous.

I do not know the exact reason till date, but Saksham lost faith in VM for the last four months in ‘conquer JEE’ campaign. He took to preparation on his own and was quite serious about it.

He found a new way to communicate with ‘her’- ORKUT. Despite my constant advices to not create a profile, the guy did it. He clarified his actions by showing our math teacher’s profile on it, saying he did it to clear his doubts.

I’ll let him continue to explain the last two years.

Why the things went so, so wrong.

Why did an unimportant love affair got bigger than career; love affairs aren’t important, are they? And in this case, he wasn’t too sure if it was love or not.

Well, for him, it was his life, but how?