I LET GO

Sometimes.......when I feel that I am alone......I often talk to my shadow. That's my all time companion; but you do need someone to talk to, dontcha?
so i constantly try to get someone to talk with me. This is truly opposite to my personality, I am a bit reserved in unknown company, then be it the girl whom I appreciate the most! Well, life goes on.....time heals everything. I pass time with myself, I see many messages such as "who do you think of when you hear a song.....and things like that" but i don't really care about these now. All that is on my mind now is to get a nice placement. I think i am over burdening myself. I am overstraining myself . I have tried to merge myself with the incorrigible education system present in India. I have let logic be prevailed by knowledge. I hate cramming....and i am totally against it. But thats what I am doing! just for freaking marks! I need to get the life of mine in order. I created this blog to talk with myself more, rather than telling the world about myself. There come times when i begin to hate myself, there are times when I want to end it all; but then i consider this as an act of timidness. I am not afraid to face life. If I was, you would probably not be reading this blog of mine! I am too scared to do things, I am laid back.....I need more people around me....I never want to break the ice in unknown company; even with a damn beautiful girl!
I have many weaknesses, I have negativities......but some people do find some things nice in me. Well, I don't, and I don't think if I ever will be able to. I usually talk to my football. Its a normal living person with feelings. I feel that the ball can feel me, it listens to me, it understands my needs, and I can make it feel me. Sometimes, the ball just lands onto my feet, I never even try to get it, most of the times, the rebound from the wall, from the post, the drop ball, rolls out to me ..... and i always utter a word of thanks. I dunno if it is Jesus helping me out, or is it just coincidence, because I don't believe in fate.
I have a sharp brain. But I just can't make it work in the right direction. My mind's too crowded with things that are inexplicable. I mean, who would like to answer questions such as "what made the three quarks combine to form a proton?" "what keeps them together?" what does a baby bird feel, when we take away its mother?" does it wanna cry? does it know what it going on?"
I am a true believer of Einstein. I follow his ideals and principles. I need to solve some problems arisen in my mind. I hate the saying, "questioning denotes a confused state of mind, (sorry bade bhaiyya)...... i rather feel that "questioning is an excited state of mind....which is unstable". Rather than keeping it in that position, or waiting for an outside force to work on it, we need to carry out the needful ourselves. This is the topmost priority because nobody else, can understand how you are feeling at that moment.
Some people say that many minds at work, always increase productivity. I have different views. I rather feel that, the negativity of the minds collect and can provide hindrance in your path. Whenever you feel something can be done....the whole world conspires for you to achieve it (the alchemist-love that book). I believe in the triple ideals of dream, work and achieve. My stage of dreaming is over, and now, I am out to achieve something.....the world better look out.....because a certain weirdo named saksham, is out to explore the world.....to limits....which have no limits!